I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
