...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
