Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
