i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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