i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
