College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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