Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
