i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
