we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
