i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
