I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
