Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
