I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
