she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
