AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
