wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
