started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
