chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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