dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
