Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
