he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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