I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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