I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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