my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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