I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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