I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
