I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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