the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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