why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
