Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
