I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
