so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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