It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
