I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
