i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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