can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
