I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
