he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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