Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
