apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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