No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
