then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
