Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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