i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
