either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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