If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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