Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
