I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
