So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
