go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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