Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
